To fear or not. How to handle fear?

Is there such a thing as a fearless human? What to learn and unlearn when encountering this emotion.

Daniel in the Lions’ Den, by Peter Paul Rubens, c. 1615. © National Gallery of Art

Hey friends! 

Greetings from our family of four! Yes, last week, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby boy we named León. 

Thanks for the warm feedback on this project. As I mentioned before, this format allows me to try new things as we move forward. The previous posts have been shared, quite often bringing new subscribers. Thank you! Starting today, Everyday Human will be coming to your inbox twice a week, with a long-form post on Mondays and a curated list of goodies on Fridays. 

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To fear or not to fear

Imagine being fearless and having the capacity to do anything without second-guessing yourself. To enter any dangerous scenario like a superhero: slay the dragon, destroy all monsters, and save humanity.  Indeed, we live in a precarious world packed with conflict and drama that often calls for a superhero, but life is not a fairy tale. Fear is not the villain; it is a vital biological mechanism that ensures survival.

There is no such thing as an absolutely fearless human on earth except the very few people that suffer from a genetic condition known as Urbach-Wiethe disease, where part of the amygdala on both sides of the brain is destroyed. The amygdala in the brain processes memory, decision-making, and an array of emotional responses. Since 1908, there are about 400 cases reported with the Urbach-Wiethe disease, where the patient does not have the neurological capacity to recognize fear. 

We are all familiar with fear because it is programmed into our nervous system and works like an instinct. It is a human response that has evolved and kept us alive since the beginning of time to stay away from danger. There is no method, formula, or training to eradicate fear altogether; there are ways of coping that have proven to work. Coping mechanisms are cognitive and behavioral efforts and strategies people use in the face of stress and/or trauma to help manage painful, unpleasant, or difficult emotions. That is how I propose, we should approach and respond to fear. I want to highlight coping because popular culture tells us to “face and conquer fear,” “punch fear in the face,” and “overcome fear with boldness,” which I believe are the wrong narratives and constructs to respond to fear. Fear is not our enemy. It is best to step away from that idea. Our goal is not to try and eradicate fear, but to recognize when, how, and why it enters our life, to deal with it in a balanced and healthy way.

We are born with only two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. All other fears are learned and acquired as we grow up, mostly due to our environment, culture, and parenting cues. Some of these are the fear of spiders, snakes, bees, the dark, heights, fist fights, monsters, Halloween decorations, etc. 

The process of "unlearning" fears consists in creating new conscious associations and connections at the sensory, perceptive, and cognitive levels. We need to reflect and dig deep into our life history, upbringing and experiences. The more familiar we become with these experiences and the neurophysiology of fear, the more psychological resiliency and grit we gain to cope with these emotions. 

As stated before, fear and being frightened is not always bad. You are alive and reading this today because of the innate survival mechanisms you, and animals, have since the beginning of time. Fear is a characteristic that has served humanity well in avoiding predators and natural disasters. 

This neurological process begins in the brain. Our sensory system -what we see, hear, and smell- triggers a fear response in the amygdala, which sends an adrenaline response and makes our hearts beat faster and our body to sweat. At the same time, almost simultaneously, another response takes place in the cortical center of our brain that makes rational decisions and triggers our four fear responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Humans that pursue extreme adventures and sports where they sometimes risk their lives, develop the mental skill in the cortical area to engage with danger and follow through. They have previously survived; therefore, the mind assimilates the behavior. This reaffirmation leads them to once again defy heights, gravity, speed, and other thrills, often challenging their previous limitations and setting new limits. 

As a parent, it is very important to understand these neurological processes, so I may lead my children in identifying healthy fears, those that keep us and others safe, and develop a healthy skill set to cope with the fears they will encounter as they grow up: bullying, likability, peer pressure, embarrassment, rejection, belonging, respect, power, abuse, etc. 

Fear will be with you, always. And that's okay. One person may be braver or more defying than the other, but at the end of the day, no human is free from experiencing fear. Adults do share many of the same fears as children. Still, with the added responsibilities that come with age, their fears are tied to finances, work, health, disease, rejection, physical attractiveness, losing a significant other, and failure, to name a few. 

Try changing the mindset to see the good in fear and how it prepares you with the proper contingencies to stay safe in a dangerous and increasingly uncertain world. Fear triggers your brain to reframe and rethink, which are two important habits that are getting lost in this fast-paced society. The more you learn to change your relationship with fear, the better off you will be.

In closing, try a series of questions the next time you encounter fear. 

1. Write your fear on a piece of paper. Writing is a form of externalizing emotions. It helps to create self-awareness.

2. Write the worst-case scenario. Be honest with this answer and ask yourself if the results are temporary or permanent. Too often, we feed our own fear and make things bigger than they really are. Failure is not a big deal. It is usually the best form of learning and changing behavior. 

3. Ask yourself: can I handle the worst-case scenario? You will be amazed by the power you have to handle the worst and move forward. 

Remember, you are not doing anything wrong, fear is a core part of the human experience.

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Until next week!

Your fellow human,
-Jorge Fusaro