The Stories We Tell Ourselves and How They Shape Our Lives

The most important stories are the ones we tell ourselves about ourselves every day.

The Triumph of Bacchus by Diego Velazquez, 1628, via Museo del Prado, Madrid

What you tell yourself and believe about yourself shows up in your work and in the energy you put into the world. That is the difference between the people who are seen or heard and those who sit in the back row and go unnoticed. When you walk into a room, get up on a stage, or go live on social media, you communicate the persona you have built through stories. Others will also regard you for what you believe about yourself. For example, do your stories define you as a confident, happy, and friendly person or as doubtful, bitter, and insecure? Your internal narrative affirms your sense of belonging and allows you to connect with others.

Stories hold power.

Good or bad, positive or negative, stories shape us.

Stories make or break us.

The most important stories are the ones we tell ourselves about ourselves every day.

In this essay, we will take a bird's-eye view of the stories we tell ourselves and their impact on our lives. Stories can shape our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They can also influence our relationships, careers, and overall well-being. They can open our lives with possibilities or lead us to dead-end streets.

The stories we tell ourselves are often based on our experiences but are also influenced by our beliefs, values, and expectations. These stories can be positive or negative, and they can be either helpful or harmful.

Positive stories can give us hope, motivation, and resilience. They can help us see the good in ourselves and the world around us. They can also allow us to overcome challenges and achieve our goals.

Negative stories, on the other hand, can lead to feelings of doubt, fear, and helplessness. They can make us feel like we are not good enough or will never succeed. They can also keep us stuck in the past, in an ambiguous loop, or prevent us from taking risks.

The good news is that we can change the stories we tell ourselves. We can learn to identify the negative stories that are holding us back and replace them with more positive ones. This process takes time and effort, but it is worth it.

Here are some tips for changing the stories you tell yourself:

1. Become aware of your stories. The first step is to become aware of the stories you are telling yourself. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, and notice the patterns that emerge.

2. Challenge your negative stories. Once you are aware of your negative stories, start to challenge them. Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support the story. Is it really true? What other possible explanations could there be?

3. Replace your negative stories with positive ones. Once you have challenged your negative stories, start to replace them with more positive ones. This may take some time and effort, but it is worth it.

4. Be patient and persistent. Changing the stories you tell yourself takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, and don't give up.

Your brain is a malleable organ. Research in neuroplasticity has shown that our brains can be rewired as we do with other technology. There are tools for neuro-linguistic programming that basically reprogram your brain to think and consequently act differently. 

In his book, The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, Norman Doige remarks: "Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to change its structure and function in response to experience. This means that the brain can be 'rewired' through repeated practice, even in adulthood."

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a set of techniques that can be used to help people change their thoughts and behaviors. One of the basic principles of NLP is that our thoughts and behaviors are influenced by our internal representations, which are the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and the world around us. By changing our internal representations, we can change our thoughts and behaviors.

The practice of daily affirmations is one way to change our internal representations. Affirmations are positive statements that we repeat to ourselves on a regular basis. When we repeat an affirmation, we are essentially telling our brain to create a new neural pathway that supports that belief. Over time, this new neural pathway can become stronger and more dominant, which can lead to changes in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Here are some examples of positive stories that you can tell yourself or may inspire you to find others that resonate:

• I am capable and can achieve my goals.

• I am worthy of love and respect.

• I am grateful for the good things in my life.

• I am learning and growing every day.

• I am strong and can overcome challenges.

• I am smart, creative, and diligent.

These are just a few examples, the possibilities are endless. The stories we tell ourselves have a powerful impact on our lives. By becoming aware of our stories and challenging the negative ones, we can start to create a more positive and fulfilling life for ourselves.

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