Strategies to Deal with Difficult People

Strategies for turning conflict into growth and connection

Tahitian Landscape by Paul Gauguin, 1891, via the Minneapolis Institute of Art

Relationships can be tough. But dealing with difficult people is one of life's most complex and emotionally exhausting challenges.

Why do they have to be so complicated? Why are they so difficult? Why do humans make it harder than it needs to be? 

In my life and years in business, I have encountered difficult: customers, vendors, bosses, employees, bartenders, suppliers, brands, musicians, writers, artists, lawyers, cleaners, distributors, designers, contractors, construction workers, waiters, supervisors, managers, students, government officials, board members, clients, teachers, parents, family, friends, etc.

How about you? How many anecdotes just crossed your mind?

We've all encountered difficult people at some point in our lives, whether it's a critical boss, a passive-aggressive colleague, or a know-it-all family member. Dealing with tough people can be frustrating, stressful, and even damaging to our well-being and mental health.

You know the feeling. Nonetheless, let's not forget we are all likely difficult to someone. 

Interestingly, some of my strongest relationships today have endured difficult trials or even involved a conflict that needed to be resolved.

Empathy and compassion can be powerful tools for dealing with difficult people. Instead of reacting to their behavior with frustration or anger, try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their motivation and actions. You can defuse their problematic behavior and build a more productive relationship by showing empathy and understanding.

There are several strategies that can be effective in dealing with difficult people. Here are some of the most commonly recommended:

• Stay calm and composed: take a deep breath, focus on your emotions, and maintain a calm and composed demeanor. This can help you avoid escalating the situation and approach the problem rationally and thoughtfully.

• Be assertive and set boundaries: set clear limits to prevent difficult people from taking advantage of you. Be firm but respectful in setting these boundaries, and be consistent in enforcing them.

• Use active listening and empathy: difficult people may feel unheard or misunderstood, so try to actively listen to their concerns and show empathy and compassion for their perspective. Re what they've said to ensure you understand their point of view, and acknowledge their feelings.

• Offer constructive feedback: instead of criticizing difficult people for their behavior, offer constructive feedback that focuses on the impact of their actions on others. For example, instead of saying "you're always interrupting me," try saying "when you interrupt me, it makes me feel disrespected and prevents me from sharing my ideas.”

• Avoid engaging in power struggles: power struggles with difficult people rarely produce positive outcomes. Instead, try to find common ground and work towards solutions that benefit everyone involved.

• Seek outside help when necessary: if you're dealing with a particularly difficult person or situation, it may be helpful to seek out help. This could include talking to a counselor, mediator, or trusted friend or colleague.

Dealing with difficult people can be challenging, but it's an important skill to develop for building positive relationships in all areas of life. Using effective strategies for handling conflict, you can turn difficult situations into opportunities for growth and connection. We can also learn a lot about ourselves in the process.

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