New Year’s Resolutions Suck (Or You Need a New System To Achieve Your Goals)
Self-improvement is a good idea at any time of the year.
New Year’s Resolutions Suck (Or You Need a New System To Achieve Your Goals)
For the past 3 years, I have approached yearly goals and resolutions differently. In hindsight, it was not planned, but something that I could come up with to survive and thrive during these pandemic years while parenting without a village. As a former overachiever, my personal and business goals included spreadsheets, graphs, tracking forms, and milestones to achieve along the way. I am done with all that pressure. Today, I’m less stressed and demanding of employees, freelancers, and contractors, and have far fewer expectations about friends and family. All of the above has given me more peace, and it is all about a simple framework that consists of either more (+) or less (-), and has proven healthy and effective.
We live in a culture that pushes positivity, overachieving, perfection, motivation, and willpower.
If this is your magic list of ingredients and tools for achieving results, I think you are not going to make it. Puff! 🔥 Your dreams will fade into the wind, and you will eventually burn out. I don’t want to discourage or shame you, just remind you that change is about process and repetition, more than a decision and a desire to change. By all means, if the collective positive energy of the Holidays helps to get you going, use it to your advantage, but don’t rely on it alone because it is unsustainable. Keep reading if you want to try something different. New Year’s Resolutions don’t have to suck, your approach to goal achievement may need to be adjusted.
Life, in many ways, can be unpredictable and present an array of challenges that can throw you off the course. Positivity and adrenaline have expiration dates. You want habits that will improve your well-being and help you fulfill your dreams, rather than eventually giving up like most people. New habits take between 21 and 256 days to settle into our lives, and it gets more complex when a new practice or attitude is replacing an old one that has been ingrained in your mind and body for a long time. You must break the old cycle of behavior to make way for the new. This is why change is difficult; some new attitudes are increasingly more complex than others.
Yes, New Year’s resolutions are hard to keep. The idea of writing your goals and affirming you can do anything and everything, has been exploited by marketers beyond Hallmark. I don’t know about you, but when my mind identifies a gimmicky plot or tactic to make me want to do or buy something, I usually go in the other direction. I hate when brands, politicians, leaders, or personalities (influencers nowadays) try to manipulate my thoughts or behaviors. In other words, play me. The same happens when I am fed toxic positivity and variations of “you can do it” mantras. My mind quickly sends an amber alert saying, beware! Despite being an idealist, I am a fan of being realistic when it comes to results. Big audacious goals are often the hardest to attain and keep. Maybe they are too overwhelming, turned out more complex than anticipated, or did not consider that life happens. When you fail, the feeling is horrible.
Be realistic. Consider breaking your goal(s) into mini-goals and slowly increase the bar as you progress.
Self-improvement is difficult at any time of year. Perhaps, you celebrate and keep going after the 1st of the year and continue to have amazing results. Not everyone needs a fresh start or a rebrand. Resolutions have increasingly become “the thing people do” before the year ends that got exponentially cool (and almost mandatory) on social media. We post our goals on the fridge and desk and sometimes share them with others publicly for accountability. We wake up on January 1st full of energy and excitement, believing we have been utterly reprogrammed with the best intentions and plan(s) to conquer the year. Furthermore, we sign up for new memberships or recommit to actually getting value for what we are paying. Slowly, the days pass and our energy begins to fade. We get tired, the old habits return, and our frustration grows bigger than before because we had a plan that lost its steam. Our goals seem to be farther than before, and we question our own capacity for change and growth by comparing ourselves to others: “How come they can do it and I can’t? There must be a problem with me. I can’t take charge and make changes.”
I hear you. I’ve been there, beating myself up for not getting it done. It's a terrible feeling. It's counterproductive and unhealthy. Be nice to yourself. One step at a time.
What are you going to do differently this year? Humans are cyclical beings that naturally fall into routines and habits. Repetition is at the core of how we learn and operate in the world. Just like children learn small pieces that act as basic building blocks in learning language and everything else about the world. Let's keep it simple. Achieving your goals is about persistence, not perfection.
I wrote about doing a contemplative ritual to review the year. This is different from setting goals. I am often cautious of goals-setting systems because I have seen so many variations of this shit during my life.
While goals are good, having them will produce nothing. You gotta do the work, every day, and feel good.
In the end, there are many paths, systems, strategies, and frameworks to achieving goals. Pick what works for you and what will actually help you experience lasting transformation. If your system is not working, don't be afraid to toss it and try something different. Be easy on yourself and embrace slow progress if you want long-term permanency. Don't expect overnight changes. My system below is simple, unstructured, and realistic. And overall, it's easier on you, especially with the growing demands of adulthood.
Toss the long wishlist. Try this 3-3-5-5-1 framework. Identify 3 things that made you happy in 2022. Do them again in 2023 and add 3 more to the list. Identify 5 things you want more of and 5 things you want less of. Choose 1 significant accomplishment that will make you feel awesome at year-end. That’s it. Small steps go a long way.
3 things that made me happy in 2022 and I want to repeat in 2023:
Spending most of my time with my children and wife.
Sleeping eight hours and taking a daily nap at midday.
Keeping social media to a minimum.
3 new things I want to add in 2023 that will make me happy:
Spend more time with fellow parents.
Devote more time to the Everyday Human project.
Take some road trips and travel abroad with my family.
5 things I want more of in 2023:
I want to feel lighter, faster, and more energetic.
I want to consume more fruits and vegetables, no processed foods, and less red meat to honor my body and feel healthier.
I want to have meaningful conversations that add to my life and help me grow.
I want to consume more content that builds me up, makes me wiser, and strengthens my relationships.
I want to move my body and be more active because it makes me feel more alive, creative, and in touch with myself.
5 things I want less of in 2023:
Stress
Second-guess myself
Social media
Toxic content
Flaky relationships
At the end of 2023, I would feel awesome if I could: __________________.
In closing, narrow it down to just one thing. I want to fill the above blank with: produce more content that helps people make their lives better, keep sharing what I learn, become a better writer, grow the newsletter audience, and try new ways to promote my content on social media.
It is your turn to get specific about how you will achieve what you want more of and less of.
Get to it; you have a full year to do what you want and feel good.
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Until next week!
Your fellow human,
-Jorge Fusaro